Superheroine Thanksgiving History

What could be more traditional than serving a knocked out superheroine on the Thanksgiving table. Going all the way back to 1621 when the Pilgrims held their the first feast of thanksgiving. Massasoit and his 90 Wampanoag warriors brought an unconscious female native of great beauty. This was an  incredibly powerful female who was faster than a speeding arrow, more powerful than the mighty bear, able to leap longhouses in a single bound. No member of the tribe knew her real identity. She looked a little like one of the tribe's scribes, but that squaw was a clumsy, mousey, weak little thing, so it obviously couldn't be her. This powerful, beautiful, big breasted female was always showing up in battles and during difficult hunts and embarrassing the warriors of the tribe with her tremendous feats of strength and courage. She seemed to be indestructible and unbeatable in battle. Arrows and spears bounced off her big round breasts and flat stomach. Tomahawks and war clubs shattered over her head and she beat any and all warriors in wrestling  They named her some unrecorded native name, but the English translation was Super Squaw. 

When half the Pilgrims, who were regarded by the local tribes as dumb white people with dull clothing, who knew nothing about living on the shores and woods died the first winter, the warriors, Samoset and Squanto stepped in and taught them, Survivor Skills 101. In return the white men  with their amazing "guns" helped Chief Massasoit and his warriors raid a competing tribe's village. Super Squaw tried to stop the raiding party and stood in her tiny fawn skin bikini top and her short fawn skin loin cloth, with her hands on her hips before the other tribe's village and threatened to pound anyone who tried to enter the village. The pilgrims knew nothing about Super Squaw. They had brought a bright green rock from the beach where they landed. They called the rock Plymouth from the port village in England where they left. Miles Standish, the leader of the pilgrims had used weapons craft, learned from the Wampanoag had fashioned the glowing green Plymouth rock into a tomahawk and crept behind Super Squaw and clocked her good and proper, behind her ear with the Plymouth Rock. To the utter amazement of the warriors Super Squaw's grunted, groaned, her eyes rolled up in her head and  dropped like a sack of shucked oyster shells, knocked out cold. After the raid, the pilgrims went home and prepared a big feast. Chief Massasoit and his warriors, their new regained pride glowing, carried the unconscious Super Squaw. They dumped the KOed native beauty onto the feasting table and used her body as a serving mat for the goose, deer meat, corn, beans, and squash, the creamy savory fluids of her mighty breasts and loins giving delicious flavor to the meal and to the warriors way of thinking, ingesting her incredible strength and powers. Only once more during the meal, which lasted three days, did the Wampanoag warriors have to administer another taste of Plymouth Rock to the back of Super Squaw's head with a THUDD! to keep her out cold and cooperative. Later the warriors discovered that the magic of their shamen could control Super Squaw as well as the occasional thump on the noggin with Plymouth Rock to send the buxom Native American superheroine to Lala Land. Super Squaw became the trained, obedient wife of Massasoit and nearly disappeared from history books.

Gosh I just LOVE history and tradition. Next: preparing your own superheroine for Thanksgiving.